Posted on Facebook 2012-12-20
In light of the fact that tomorrow might be the last day of earth, I wanted to take this time to apologize and explain a number of things that I’ve been keeping inside for many years. Just in case tomorrow is NOT the last day of earth, I am keeping the list intentionally vague. You know who you are.
- 1974: As it turns out, it wasn’t cheese.
- 1975: You can hold your breath or vomit. Not both.
- 1978: Some poop isn’t squishy.
- 1981: Spandex.
- 1983: “Poco from Me-hi-co” really does wish you Happy New Year!
- 1984: socks are for feet only.
- 1985: Never smell found underpants.
- 1986: A rotten fart in a hot car can make you lose consciousness.
- 1987: Chickenpox on your balls is only funny for a minute.
- 1989: I swear it’s in that place I put that thing that time.
- 1990: I put a spell on you, and I’m scared that it actually worked.
- 1991: I know what you were doing, and I told everyone except you.
- 1993: Some poop isn’t squishy.
- 1996: Apparently, sometimes I will do it just for the money.
- 1998: You were right. I should have kept running.
- 1999: I was counting on being killed in the Y2K disaster.
- 2006: The lesbians LIED!
- 2009: Don’t keep it in your sock drawer. It’s the first place they look.
- 2010: I never liked them anyway.
- 2012: Don’t die without confessing all these things.