After my most recent bout with bladder cancer I was ruminating and spending time on a support board online. I read a post where the person was anxiously awaiting thier first 3-month checkup after their first TURBT. They complained about the anxiety.
Feelings I knew all too well.
Having done this twice now, I did not want to shit on their parade, but I also wanted to warn him about putting all his eggs in that first 3-month checkup basket.
I crafted the following response:
Please don’t take this as trying to frighten or depress anyone, but I will offer this advice: please try not to dwell on it.
After my first TURBT in 2022, (also NMIBC) I had four clean screenings before the doctor saw something again. With each clean screening, I felt more and more like I had beaten it and this ugly mess was all behind me.
When I found out about the recurrence, I was crushed. Mostly because I really did not expect it. I was clean for almost 3 years! I had zero symptoms and generally felt great.
In the subsequent weeks, I have come to terms with the fact that frequent screenings are my new reality. The two tumors I had recently removed were very small (the doctor even reiterated after surgery that “they were smaller than he’d thought”).
Catching the recurrence early gives me a much greater chance of removing it, healing, and getting back to my life.
I’m going back for another screening in January. Yes, I’ll dread it for a week beforehand, knowing it doesn’t matter how I feel or if I have symptoms. But I also know that if it comes back with something, I’m going to get treated immediately.
A friend told me: “If you know you’re going to suffer in the future, don’t start now”
So I’m looking forward to the next 3 months. It’s all I can do now.
My Timeline
- 2022-07-19: First time peeing blood.
- 2022-10-12: First cystoscopy discovered a tumor in my bladder. TURBT scheduled.
- 2022-10-26: TURBT found the tumor was larger than anticipated (5 cm) but removed it all, and it appeared superficial. The post-procedure pathology report later identified the diagnosis as Non-Invasive Papillary Urothelial Carcinoma, Low-Grade.
- 2023-03-01 (Follow-up #1): 3-month follow-up cystoscopy. Bladder was “beautiful” and “all-clear”.
- 2023-09-07 (Follow-up #2): 6-month cystoscopy. “No polyps, no redness, no stones”.
- 2024-03-14 (Follow-up #3): Found no evidence of tumors and advised to return in 6 months.
- 2024-09-11 (Follow-up #4): Showed the bladder was “All clean”. Graduated to the 1-year club.
- 2025-09-10 (Follow-up #5): Cystoscopy noted a “bump of bubbles” on the bladder wall that appeared suspicious, indicating a recurrence.
- 2025-10-07: TURBT removed two “small” tumors (<1 cm). Back to the 3-month club. Pathology again indicated Non-Invasive Papillary Urothelial Carcinoma, Low-Grade.
A friend at work had told me about that line:
If you know you’re going to suffer in the future, don’t start now
I’ve been a big fan of “bumper-sticker-style” platitudes for a long time. Things like “one day at a time” and “don’t worry about what you can’t change”. But his one hit different. I have bad anticipation anxiety. Mixed with this new health anxiety, it was promising to be a miserable upcoming holiday season.
But instead I embraced that line. Will it suck in January? Maybe. Maybe not. But I can’t do anything about it now.
I’m gonna save that suffering for later.