Facebook-Memories on Planet Hawleywood

This coulda been me

Fri, 23 Aug 2024 00:00:00 +0000

The post was from Facebook, and it says this post is from India, but if you told me this was a photo of me at Uncle Bill’s in 1982, I’d believe you. I had that haircut, that generic gray sweatshirt and I still have a whole case of Star Wars figures

Boring Home Snack? Take it to work!

Tue, 21 Nov 2023 00:00:00 +0000

I posted this on Facebook 10 years ago. But it’s still true.

It took so little to make me happy back then...

Sun, 24 Sep 2023 00:00:00 +0000

After working at the County in the Justice Center I was flabbergasted to have an office in which we could open the windows and get fresh air.

Little did I know that within a year that little perk was on a very short list at a job from hell.

Drunk in Reverse

Mon, 28 Aug 2023 00:00:00 +0000

Facebook posts from “Birthday Week” 14 years ago.

Read from bottom to top.

Facebook Memories

Mon, 31 Jul 2023 00:00:00 +0000

Facebook has a feature called Memories where they show you posts you made on this day in previous years. Apart from being sometimes creepy and often reminding me of things I used to like, I’ve started copy/pasting the best of them into this blog.

It’s not removing them from Facebook or making them less private, but I feel like I’m taking back some of my soul and at least making my thoughts easier to find.

Toto's Africa is about a Werewolf. Change my mind.

Sun, 16 Apr 2023 00:00:00 +0000

“It’s gonna take a lot to drag me away from you/there’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do” Africa - by Toto

So why is the singer not with her now?

This is my theory of Toto’s “Africa”

In Toto’s “Africa,” why is the speaker in Africa in the first place?

Answer: he is “hoping to find some long-forgotten words or ancient melodies.” He is a student of the occult.

Sense of Adventure is high

Sat, 24 Sep 2022 00:00:00 +0000

REDRUM!

Tue, 22 Mar 2022 00:00:00 +0000

I finally made use of the front license plate holder on my car.Better is the view from your rearview mirror if I’m behind you.

Heeeere’s Johnny!

The Force was not with her

Wed, 04 Dec 2019 00:00:00 +0000

Today in Batuu, a staff member taught me how to take burst-photos with my phone and then select a single frame that gives the illusion of magic.

Unfortunately, Joe has never seen Star Wars and only held his hand out as instructed. Ashley, however knew what to do, and I was able to capture this sweet photo of her being force-choked in front of the Millennium Falcon.

Chuck 5.0

Sat, 31 Aug 2019 00:00:00 +0000

Today I am 50. This is one of those big birthdays.

Being a technical-minded person and realizing there have been a lot of changes in the past year, I decided I needed to document these changes in a proper changelog:

Notable changes to this project will be documented in this file.

The format is based on Keep a Changelog, and this project adheres to Your Version Number

Chuck v5.0 – 2019-08-31

Chuck v5.0 debuts the first version in over 15 years wherein all diagnostic tests have passed without a margin of error.
Several changes have been implemented in an effort to improve stability and reduce wear and tear.
Increased overall CPU speed by one year (linear) and overall memory has been given an upgrade
Fixed bug to remove the embarrassment of exposed chassis to the sun, water, air, and sand

Added

Do It Out In The Open

Thu, 12 Oct 2017 00:00:00 +0000

I attended my first Ohio Linuxfest this year (2017) and had a great time. I found the lightning talks especially inspirational.

One of the talks I especially like were the lightning talks. Lightning talks are a series of short (5 minute), impromptu talks that anyone can do.

They hand you a microphone, and you say what you want to say.

There were a lot of Linux advocacy speeches (as you’d expect) and “How Linux has affected me” type talks. One of the talks that hit home with me was a gentleman who talked about how when he attended his first Linuxfest, Linux was not his career. Fast-forward a few years, and he is back to say that he now has a Linux job that he secured by being active in the community and meeting people and learning on the job.

In case you forget.

Thu, 02 Feb 2017 00:00:00 +0000

During my time working at the Sheriff’s Office, I had the privilege of being able to traverse the building freely since I was part of IT.

Any room that had a computer was a potential visit for us in case we needed to plug something in or turn something off and on again.

One afternoon, a few of us were tasked with setting up donated computers in one of the classrooms.

3 Fictional Characters

Fri, 23 Sep 2016 00:00:00 +0000

“Describe Yourself In 3 Fictional Characters” was an online forum game in which participants select fictional characters from popular media that they believe demonstrate various aspects of their personality.

Here’s mine.

Pokemon Go Incident

Thu, 21 Jul 2016 00:00:00 +0000

So we had a Pokémon Go incident a few days ago. This mother and son came to the office asking if they could catch the Pikachu that likes to hang around here.

I didn’t see a problem so I let them in.

Well the kid was super excited, running and jumping around everywhere. Well, he wasn’t looking where he was going, and he slammed his head into a shelf unit.

Find a Kindle, Hack a Kindle

Sun, 13 Mar 2016 00:00:00 +0000

“Find a Kindle, Hack a Kindle”. It now runs Duokan 2015 and has 197 ebooks, unless I boot into Kindle mode, where I can access the 34 Kindle books on my account. I am currently reading three books at once. This isn’t going to end well.

Birds of a Feather

Fri, 25 Sep 2015 00:00:00 +0000

While attending a fundraiser at a bar tonight a girl approached me and asked if the penguin on my shirt was the Linux penguin (It was).

I spent the next 40 minutes chatting with her and her boyfriend (a chef) about Linux and other assorted geekery.

Totally restored my faith in humanity.

Thank you, Anthony. I wish I would have gotten your girlfriend’s name. I hope her brother finds a Linux job. And I wish you nothing but success in the kitchen.

I can install Linux on anything!

Thu, 10 Sep 2015 00:00:00 +0000

Pro Wrestler or Porn Star?

Fri, 21 Aug 2015 00:00:00 +0000

Pro Wrestler name or Porn star name?

Either way I am picking from this list the next time I am stopped in the mall for a survey.

Slab Bulkhead

Fridge Largemeat

Punt Speedchunk

Butch Deadlift

Bold Bigflank

Splint Chesthair

Flint Ironstag

Bolt Vanderhuge

Thick McRunfast

Blast Hardcheese

Buff Drinklots

Trunk Slamchest

Fist Rockbone

Stump Beefgnaw

Smash Lampjaw

Punch Rockgroin

Buck Plankchest

Stump Chunkman

Dirk Hardpeck

Rip Steakface

Slate Slabrock

Crud Bonemeal

Hail Linux

Thu, 13 Aug 2015 00:00:00 +0000

PSA:

Just so everyone knows: I am a Linux administrator. I have been for a few years now.

I DO NOT own any windows machines although I DO use them at work.

If you choose to click that “Upgrade to Windows 10” button I’ve been hearing about you are on your own.

I will be happy to help you figure out what went wrong and try to fix things - but don’t call me and ask things like:

That time I beat Best Buy at their own game

Sat, 21 Feb 2015 00:00:00 +0000

So we go to Best Buy to buy some computer stuff that was on sale.

I get to the Geek Squad counter and show the guy my phone with the items I want, in stock at that store and the price.

He gets them and tells me the price is $10 more than I planned.

I show him my phone with the sale price. He is unfazed. He cannot sell me the items at the advertised price. I thank him and walk away.

You think your job sucks?

Fri, 19 Sep 2014 00:00:00 +0000

Let me tell you about the people I work with.

First, there’s this supermodel wanna-be chick. Ok, I’ll admit, she’s pretty hot, but damn she is completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on her makeup. She is extremely self-centered and never considers the needs of anyone other than herself. She is dumber than a box of rocks and I find it surprising that she has enough brain power to breathe.

Toilet Timer

Thu, 21 Aug 2014 00:00:00 +0000

The bathroom lights at work have automatic motion sensors. This happens more often than I’d like.

Angry Spaghetti

Thu, 31 Jul 2014 00:00:00 +0000

One time we got in such an argument over where to eat we finally stayed home and Carrie made spaghetti.

You could actually taste the frustration and anger in the sauce.

From that point forward, that dish has been known as “Angry Spaghetti”.

We’ve never had “Angry Spaghetti” since.

It still makes me mad

Mon, 27 Jan 2014 00:00:00 +0000

The question was:

What was something that was done to you as a child, although insignificant now, that still makes you furious?

My Answer:

I went to parochial school for K-12 and my childhood was filled with nuns and priests and other terrors. To this day I’ll never forgive my Kindergarten teacher Sr. Vincent. One day I complained of having a headache and asked to put my head on my desk and she refused, telling me that “Only teachers and parents get headaches.”

A Thanksgiving poem, in free verse.

Wed, 27 Nov 2013 00:00:00 +0000

St Charles of Thanksgiving the patron saint of the forgotten holiday presents A Thanksgiving poem, in free verse.

Give me your turkey, your stuffingYour extended family yearning for free foodRefuse thy retail temptationsOn this most holy day of feastingand footballand beer

While today ushers in the great holiday seasonLet us not forget the reason we gather togetherand it’s not for great pricesdeep discountsor doorbusters

Breaking bread with thy familyis rare enough these daysToday is the dayto stop and take a breathand relax

I'm hungry

Thu, 14 Nov 2013 00:00:00 +0000

…or how I ended up eating an entire jar of olives one night.

Bye-Bye County

Fri, 06 Sep 2013 00:00:00 +0000

My last day at the Sheriff’s Office. Brandon made a post on Facebook. I’m not crying, you’re crying.

The "No-Help" Desk

Fri, 19 Apr 2013 00:00:00 +0000

I miss ThinkGeek and their witty IT-themed apparel.

Not my bathroom

Fri, 29 Mar 2013 00:00:00 +0000

At every new job, I spend the first few weeks looking for “my” bathroom. The one that’s less popular, usually clean, and bonus points for a locking door. When I worked for the County, I found a candidate at the Data Center that checked all the boxes except for this glaring downside.

I could not imagine watching myself shit. Who does this?

Shut up, green Meg.

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 00:00:00 +0000

Went to see “Oz: The Great and Powerful”. This is all I could think throughout the whole thing.

I posted this to Twitter right after we saw the movie and got so much shit from people thanking me for ruining the surprise.

Still not sorry.

It’s funny.

Open in case of Armageddon

Thu, 20 Dec 2012 00:00:00 +0000

Posted on Facebook 2012-12-20

In light of the fact that tomorrow might be the last day of earth, I wanted to take this time to apologize and explain a number of things that I’ve been keeping inside for many years. Just in case tomorrow is NOT the last day of earth, I am keeping the list intentionally vague. You know who you are.

1974: As it turns out, it wasn’t cheese.
1975: You can hold your breath or vomit. Not both.
1978: Some poop isn’t squishy.
1981: Spandex.
1983: “Poco from Me-hi-co” really does wish you Happy New Year!
1984: socks are for feet only.
1985: Never smell found underpants.
1986: A rotten fart in a hot car can make you lose consciousness.
1987: Chickenpox on your balls is only funny for a minute.
1989: I swear it’s in that place I put that thing that time.
1990: I put a spell on you, and I’m scared that it actually worked.
1991: I know what you were doing, and I told everyone except you.
1993: Some poop isn’t squishy.
1996: Apparently, sometimes I will do it just for the money.
1998: You were right. I should have kept running.
1999: I was counting on being killed in the Y2K disaster.
2006: The lesbians LIED!
2009: Don’t keep it in your sock drawer. It’s the first place they look.
2010: I never liked them anyway.
2012: Don’t die without confessing all these things.

Now I don't know math

Thu, 29 Nov 2012 00:00:00 +0000

Carrie just shuffled behind my chair on her way to the bedroom, unknowingly building up an intense electrostatic charge. She then reached out lovingly and patted me on the head, discharging 1.21 gigawatts into my poor bald spot.Now I don’t know math.

In Defense of Thanksgiving

Sun, 20 Nov 2011 00:00:00 +0000

This was when St Charles of Thanksgiving was born.

Wherein I declare myself the founder of the “Defense of Thanksgiving Tradition Society”

I posted this to Facebook. I was my second try at taking out my frustrations on Christmas Creep. I called out a number of specific violations, but never tagged those offenders or really did anything about it. This one wasn’t as strong as Dear Santa.

In defense of Thanksgiving:

Dear Santa

Fri, 11 Nov 2011 00:00:00 +0000

My take on Christmas Creep. Originally posted on Facebook, I wanted to write something hateful, full of swearing and insults. In the end, I changed it to more of a “letter to the editor” type of thing.

Don’t think the irony of signing the letter, from “All of Us” was lost on me. If it’s good enough for the mice in that Christmas special, it was good enough for me here.

Famous for the wrong things

Sat, 04 Jun 2011 00:00:00 +0000

I took a picture once of my brother-in-law seated behind me on the bus on the way to work. I put it online. A few months later I got an email.

Hello, My name is Josh Hamilton and I am the CEO of an internet startup called yRidesyRides is a ridesharing website that helps people find or post carpools.Your photo at this link removed titled Weird Bus People we found humorous and thought it might be put to good use as a flyer. Would you be so kind as to let use the photo on some flyers? We haven’t made the flyer yet, but basically it would encourage people to not use the bus and to carpool instead.We understand that your licensing doesn’t allow for commercial use, but we would be grateful for your help as we are struggling start-up literally working out of a garage and living off ramen noodles.Looking forward to hearing from you.Sincerely, Josh Hamilton CEO yRides

The First ... LEON?

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 00:00:00 +0000

For a while I thought this might have been the ultimate goof. Someone thinking that if the lights were on the outside of the house, they needed to be backwards (to them) so that the words were forward (for us). Like writing on the outside of a window, for the people inside.

But then I decided that I was overthinking that explanation and that the owners just decided that Leon was pretty cool at Christmas.

...and that, kids, is how I broke my phone

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 00:00:00 +0000

Programmer Anal

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 00:00:00 +0000

There is a distinct disadvantage to being a Programmer Analyst

My Life According to Alice Cooper

Fri, 07 Aug 2009 00:00:00 +0000

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions.

Pass it on to 15 people you like (if you want to) and include me. You can’t use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. It’s a lot harder than you think! Re-post as “my life according to (band name)”

A disclaimer: Some of this stuff obviously isn’t true, the songs just fit that way.

Scaring My Wife

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 00:00:00 +0000

So, I’m sitting in my chair watching “This Week in Tech Live” (because I’m a geek) on the laptop when I start thinking “How can I watch this on a bigger screen?”.

So I pause the show, stand up and look behind the TV (Carrie and Ashley were watching “Bridezilla’s”).

Carrie’s eyes got big.

I turn around and look at the back of the laptop. “Hmmmm…”

Carrie pauses Bridezilla’s and looks at me. “What?”

Linux Success Story?

Sat, 21 Mar 2009 00:00:00 +0000

I imagine that the measure of success for an operating system is when a non-tech user uses it on a daily basis.

Long story short - my father-in-law runs Linux now.

Some background… I built my father-in-law a computer for Christmas about three years ago. At the time it was cobbled-together from used and discarded parts and ran Windows ME, but it got him online and let him play solitaire.

De-icing the wing

Fri, 16 Jan 2009 00:00:00 +0000

This is the best picture I ever took on my old crappy flip-phone

Happy Birthday to the little woman

Sat, 30 Aug 2008 00:00:00 +0000