In Defense of Thanksgiving

I posted this to Facebook. I was my second try at taking out my frustrations on Christmas Creep. I called out a number of specific violations, but never tagged those offenders or really did anything about it. This one wasn’t as strong as the original.


In defense of Thanksgiving:

In order to reclaim Thanksgiving as a national holiday, we at the Defense of Thanksgiving Tradition Society hereby proclaim a moratorium on the following:

There will be no Christmas music until at least Thursday night. Seriously 102.1FM??

There is no reason for a Countdown to the 25 Days of Christmas. The 25 Days of Christmas IS a countdown. And it occurs in December. Don’t get greedy ABC Family. Oh, and by the way, Finding Nemo, Harry Potter and Willy Wonka have nothing to do with Christmas.

The Lexus “December To Remember” Sale occurs in December. What’s so hard to understand? It’s got December right there in the title! And Back off Acura, who the hell is buying someone a car as a present for Christmas anyway?

There shall be no Christmas Tree Lighting Events until we’ve properly digested our Thanksgiving meal. Got that Crocker Park? And don’t look so smug Downtown Cleveland. You just made it.

Thanksgiving is a great American holiday. It combines food, football and drunken relatives. Thanksgiving is not an afterthought and we demand it’s return to eminence as an actual holiday celebrated in November.

No more will we tolerate the retailers who insist on pushing us from “Trick or Treat” to “O Christmas Tree” without stopping so much as to smell the turkey.

Dear Santa

My take on Christmas Creep. Originally posted on Facebook,  I wanted to write something hateful, full of swearing and insults. In the end I changed it to more of a “letter to the editor” type of thing.  Don’t think the irony of signing the letter, from “All of Us” was lost on me. If it’s good enough for the mice in that Christmas special, it was good enough for me here.


Dear Christmas,

We wanted to drop you this note to remind you that we still like you.

We also wanted to ask you to maybe reconsider subverting other holidays.

It seems that we have been lax and allowed you to overtake Thanksgiving. The general fear is that you will be coming for Halloween next. Rest assured we will not allow this to happen.

We see you creeping further up the calendar. It was bad enough that you took a wonderful extra day off and perverted it into a blood-thirsty, riot-inducing spectacle that we’ve renamed “Black Friday”, but now – in typical Christmas fashion, Black Friday begins before Thanksgiving dinner is over.

Stop it.

Enclosed, please find a calendar. Please note that your holiday is officially celebrated near the end of December. We would appreciate if you could restrain advertising and celebrating your holiday to the month in which it occurs. No other holiday usurps more of the calendar than you. You are fast approaching becoming a season. We feel that Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter would not welcome a newcomer. And if your aspirations are to replace Winter then we need to remind you that you would become responsible for February, and frankly, we don’t think even you could handle that.

In closing, please realize that further infractions will result in us having to take more drastic action in returning Christmas to it’s once family-oriented origins.

Don’t make us put Santa in a headlock.

Signed,

All Of Us