My take on Christmas Creep. Originally posted on Facebook, I wanted to write something hateful, full of swearing and insults. In the end, I changed it to more of a “letter to the editor” type of thing.
Don’t think the irony of signing the letter, from “All of Us” was lost on me. If it’s good enough for the mice in that Christmas special, it was good enough for me here.
Dear Christmas,
We wanted to drop you this note to remind you that we still like you.
We also wanted to ask you to maybe reconsider subverting other holidays.
It seems that we have been lax and allowed you to overtake Thanksgiving. The general fear is that you will be coming for Halloween next. Rest assured, we will not allow this to happen.
We see you creeping further up the calendar. It was bad enough that you took a wonderful extra day off and perverted it into a bloodthirsty, riot-inducing spectacle that we’ve renamed “Black Friday”, but now – in typical Christmas fashion, Black Friday begins before Thanksgiving dinner is over.
Stop it.
Enclosed, please find a calendar. Please note that your holiday is officially celebrated near the end of December. We would appreciate if you could restrain advertising and celebrating your holiday to the month in which it occurs. No other holiday usurps more of the calendar than you. You are fast approaching becoming a season. We feel that Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter would not welcome a newcomer. And if your aspirations are to replace Winter then we need to remind you that you would become responsible for February, and frankly, we don’t think even you could handle that.
In closing, please realize that further infractions will result in us having to take more drastic action in returning Christmas to it’s once family-oriented origins.
Don’t make us put Santa in a headlock.
Signed,
All Of Us